10 Things More Likely than Spurs Winning the Premier League

Around April nearly every year we get to celebrate St. Totteringham’s Day having secured enough points to finish above Tottenham season after season in the Premier League. Even last season when Spurs fans considered themselves title contenders as late as April, they finished below us after an embarrassing loss at 10-man and relegated Newcastle.

Despite spending millions over the years and appointing manager after manager it has never worked out for them since 1961. Forever in Arsenal’s shadows, we all know Tottenham are not going to win the English top flight in our lifetime, or even in our children’s unborn children’s lifetime. Ignore their Premier League odds each season – here’s a list of things we’re more likely to see or experience than Tottenham winning the title:

United Kingdom winning the Eurovision Song Contest again

The United Kingdom have not won the Eurovision Song Contest since 1997 when Katrina and the Waves ran away with the scoring. And since 2002, the UK have never really challenged at the top. In 2003, Jemini scored UK their first 0 points which much of the media put down to the backlash of the post-Iraq war.

Since then the UK have had just one top ten finish in the Eurovision Song Contest with many of their entrants finishing bottom or close to the bottom. Will they ever win it again? Don’t hold your breath but we give them more chance than Tottenham winning the Premier League at least.

Aliens landing on earth

In the 1990s there were lots of hoax reports of alien life on planet earth and some people claiming that one day aliens will visit us from outer space. None of this has ever been proven and quite frankly, few believe it ever will. And whilst I don’t believe in aliens, or Father Christmas for that matter, I’d still give them more chance of being real than Tottenham winning the title.

Pamela Anderson eating meat

Pamela Anderson made her name in the 1990s as a star of the big TV hit Baywatch. She is one of many famous vegetarians. So even though she’s against eating meat I’d feel more confident putting my money on Ms. Anderson being seen eating a steak than Tottenham ever winning the Premier League.

Snow on Christmas Day in London

Last Christmas Paddy Power gave odds of around 10/1 on snow falling in London on Christmas Day. Although a couple of snowflakes fell in England’s capital in 1996 and 1999 – London hasn’t been blanketed by snow on 25 December since 1895.

With the weather seemingly getting warmer and warmer over the years, snow in the south of England tends to fall in February these days, if at all. But still, I’d give you more chance of seeing snow fall in London on Christmas Day than Tottenham ever winning the Premier League…

Derby County being promoted to the Premier League

Ever since Steve McClaren guided Derby County to a shock Championship play-off final in 2014 the Rams have been among the favourites to gain promotion to the Premier League for each of the three seasons following, with no success.

Derby County have been going through managers like Chelsea during that time but without any success – only making the playoffs once and this season failing to put any sort of promotion push together despite a second summer of big money signings. Perhaps the East Midlands club will get back in the top flight again one day – I’d certainly expect that to happen sooner than Tottenham being top of the Premier League.

Your neighbour winning the lottery

The odds of someone getting all six numbers correct on the National Lottery are a staggering 45,057,474 to 1. I’m not sure what odds bookmakers have Tottenham at of winning the Premier League but they deserve to be longer. I’d rather stick my spare £2 coin on the lottery than Spurs.

Elvis being found alive

Often referred to as the ‘King of Rock and Rock’ or simply the ‘King’, Elvis Presley passed away in his home nearly 40 years ago. However, many overzealous fans over the years have claimed that Elvis is still alive somewhere. He would have turned 82 in January if he was still alive today so I guess some fans can still believe. In truth, I’d trust them over Tottenham securing a Premier League title.

Simon Cowell to be Prime Minister

Paddy Power have given odds of 500/1 of entrepreneur and reality television judge Simon Cowell of becoming the British Prime Minister at some point in his lifetime. To be fair, Donald Trump became the President of the United States with no political background so we shouldn’t write Mr. Cowell out of contention. Whereas everyone knows before the end of August that Tottenham are out of the Premier League title race each season.

An E.T. Sequel

E.T. is one of the biggest-selling films of all-time. The 1982 classic co-produced and directed by Steven Spielberg has been left untouched for 25 years now. No remake and no sequel in a time where classic films, particularly from the 80s, are being remade or having sequels produced. I don’t ever see this happening for the Extra-Terrestrial but most people would expect an E.T. 2 released sooner than Tottenham being English champions…

Thierry Henry becoming England manager

The man, the legend. Things haven’t been the same at Arsenal ever since Thierry Henry left in 2007 to join Barcelona. Arsène Wenger has failed to replace the World Cup and European Championship winner and subsequently failed to lift the Premier League again.
These days, Henry can be spotted on Sky Sports doing punditry, whilst he is also assistant manager to Roberto Martínez of the Belgian national team. Perhaps the Premier League manager wants to become an international manager one day. And if so, I think he’d make a better job of the England job than any of Tottenham’s so-called title challenges…