Bendtner’s demands mean he will stay at Arsenal

24-year old Danish striker Nicklas Bendtner has stated that he wants a move away from Arsenal, and most Arsenal fans would say, “we will help you pack mate.” Frustrated with his lack of first team opportunities, Bendtner has finally accepted that he will only ever be used in an emergency by Arsene Wenger. However, rather than be willing to accept any decent offer, “brilliant Bendtner” has told reporters that he has three demands that must be met by any club lucky enough to get him. He also stated that he had already turned down some offers.

“There are a lot of different reasons for that. I have three demands and I will not sign a deal with a club who aren’t prepared to fill those demands.”

What could these be? Gooners everywhere were intrigued, possibly thinking he was after diplomatic immunity from prosecution. The supremely confident striker was subsequently tracked down by Danish media site Sporten to enlighten us about his demands.

He doesn’t want much, just Champion’s league football, guaranteed playing time and easy access to London. He has a young son and wants to be able to visit him easily. That is fair enough, but does he really think that an English club in the Champion’s league are interested.

Paris and Glasgow are close, but Celtic will probably not be in Europe for long, and PSG have players like Ibrahimovic. He also wants to be happy, but I am not sure anyone can promise him that. Which club could possibly fulfill all his wishes?

It looks like we are stuck with him Gooners